The Case for Not Having a Bridal Shower

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December 21, 2020
By: Katie McCann

I got married on October 24, 2015 to my main squeeze.  We met when we were 21 and within a month of dating, he told me he loved me.  I was immature and had never had a serious boyfriend before so I spent the beginning of our courtship and relationship acting in a way that anyone else would describe as self sabotage.  After meeting for the first time, he went in for a hug and I high fived him.  On our first date, I insisted we meet up with my friends at the end of the date.  One of our first memorable fights ended with me saying, “I just want to do whatever I want to do all the time.”  Needless to say, if he hadn’t been patient with my shenanigans, I don’t think we’d have the life we do today. As with many couples, we lived together for a while before getting married.  So when the engagement and wedding planning got under way and the question of a bridal shower popped up, to me it was a no brainer not to have one. My best buddy wrote this awesome article for Women’s Day Magazine explaining her reasoning for not wanting a bridal shower and IT.IS.EVERYTHING. I too opted out of having a bridal shower for a lot of the same reasons.

I didn’t want or need more stuff

It’s really important to me to create boundaries and be very conscious of everything I bring into my home.  So the thought of giving cart blanc to my family and friends to flood me with a bunch of stuff I have been living a perfectly happy and full life without sounded… like a nightmare.

I wanted people to celebrate my husband & I with their time & energy, not their money and spatulas

I feel much more fulfilled by gifted experiences instead of stuff.  And celebrating an engaged couple involves enough parties and time commitments as is so, that was a gift enough to me.  I also usually buck against anything that I’m “supposed” to do because it’s just “what is expected.” Hard pass, Susan.

The idea of making my friends and family waste a Saturday to ooo and ahhh over vacuums felt antiquated and even anti-feminist

There is something about bridal showers that feels so old school, in a bad way.  They generally feel forced and awkward in my opinion.  And why don’t dudes have to attend!?  It’s their celebration too but, I think they’re hip to the game that they’re a bit of a snooze so, they get to just come in at the end.  I decided not to subject myself or my loved ones to one more minute of a strained party just because it’s a tradition.

And once more for the people in the back – I had & have everything I need and I just didn’t want more stuff

Not an extraneous pot or pan in sight

If I ran for President, instead of, “Si se puede,” my campaign would be “No mas cosas!” There are so many rites of passage events that involve getting gifts you may not want or need. You are the ultimate gatekeeper for what comes into your house so no need to feel ashamed or guilty if you need to put your foot down to stop the influx of unwanted stuff coming your way. Creating a life that you and your spouse want instead of what everyone else expects is a great way to maintain boundaries and live with less.